regardless of all the drama and unnecessary b.s going on in my life, I have never been happier. I don’t have many friends, but the ones I have, truly are the greatest.
I know that I rub people the wrong way. I know that my personality is pretty abrasive and a lot of people have an issue with my lack of fake smiles and sugar-coated answers. Truth is, I’m fine with that because over the past couple years I’ve made a serious effort to be a better listener and to apologize when I know I’ve wronged someone and I’ve learned when to swallow my tongue. At the end of the day I know that I have grown as a person and as long as I’m doing that, I’m happy.
A lot of the time though, I think people misread me and write me off within the first few minutes of knowing me. I’ve always had a difficult time making a good first impression on groups of people. I would consider myself a social person but I get pretty anxious when I’m introduced to a really big group. A group that has loads of history and inside jokes and a bond that was formed long before I walked into the room. So sometimes I freak out and I talk too much, end up cursing too much. All I want to do is make an impression but I usually end up making the wrong one.
I’ve been lucky enough in life that every now and then, someone will sit down and talk to me one on one. These are the people that have made an effort to get to know me just as much as I try to get to know others. These are the people who have looked past my defensive front and ended up liking what they saw and who they had just met. I am forever grateful for these people. I think most of them would say that once you get to know me, you’d know that I’m not trying to be rude or mean or angry. I just don’t like to be fake and a lot of the time that translates into a bad attitude to people. I know I’m not a perfect person and I have a lot of growing to do. I hope that I continue to grow throughout my entire life and I hope to be a better person tomorrow than the one I am today.
Yes, I can count my friends on one hand. Yes, if I have a problem with you, I will tell it to your face. No, I won’t put on a smile for someone that doesn’t genuinely make me happy and if you ask me for my opinion or advice, I will always give it to you straight. If that isn’t something you’re interested in and if you don’t value totally honest people in your life, then we will probably never be friends. And you know what? Thats okay.
This is to my friends:
Thank you for understanding me and for helping me grow to be a better version of myself. It makes me happy that I don’t have to be anyone but the person I truly am when I’m around you. Thank you for sticking up for me when my back has been turned and I wasn’t around to defend myself. I love you.